everybody and they mom got a wrapped end of year thing now..... grumble grumble...
no not rly, but i thought i'd make the last blog post of the year. i have not blogged as much as i wish i had, i've had a few thoughts i wanted to write on in the last couple of months, where i've just not had the energy to do so, sadly. and now i don't remember them!
well, next year i will do my best to write down a quick prompt of my thoughts so i can return to it in the future :,3...
speaking of the next year, here are my thoughts of 'resolutions', so to speak.
my hope for 2026 is .... hmm, well, a lot of things, i think.
- mostly i would like to get some financial stability. my goal is to pay off my debts, which isn't a lot compared to many other folks, but since i do not make that much, it's a lot for me to be shouldering. (approx 2.5k). paying it monthly at this point is not making much of a difference, so i would like to put aside any extra toward that debt to clear it quicker.
- actually study this year at uni. for the last 3 years i have winged it and done every assignment without doing any study. i'm passing, but i am not learning anything. i start mid-january, so i'm going to spend this time hyping it up and start romanticizing it so i can be excited about it.
- carry on the art streak. no pressure on myself to do anything specific except for be indulgent and have fun.
- i'm not gonna say finish my dnd campaign, because... i intend for it to be a full-length all the way to level 20 ordeal, but, i hope to carry this one on too. like, let's get past level 5 at least. i've poured my whole heart into a story and world and actually.... i'm kinda obssessed with it.
- i would like to build an active habit. it's very stereotypical but i have signed up to a new gym and i guess the new year is gonna be when we start going, because we're waiting for a discount from my sister's new job. and i am waiting for my infinite period to end. don't hate me i refuse to exert myself when i am bleeding from my vagina.
not hoping for much am i....
today i'm also going to be doing my end of year tarot reading. i think sadly i lost my notes on the 2025 reading, so i've got nothing to look back on about the year's events. :( this i am sad about.
i like to do this by pulling 12 cards for each month of the year, writing down my predictions, and then forgetting it entirely. and then, theoretically, if i don't lose my notes, i look back at the end of the year, or throughout the year, and see what the correlations are.
most years, i am simply glad to say that i have survived through the year somewhat intact. and it is okay if that is all that happens. the point of life, if we're being philosophical(?), is to not die. so, success!
it was not all a good year, 2025 was very difficult. as you might know, lol, me imagining i have regular readers of my blog hehe i bought a house with my siblings. this is great! moving and renovating, less so. like, really not fun. i thought i might kill said siblings through some of it, and that would be no good, since they didn't yet have life insurance set up.
just to be clear, i am not thinking about life insurance fraud or murder. i do love my siblings a lot. just so we're clear. i am, how you say, joking.
in the middle of summer, i went through a breakup, which was, in the end, an entirely beneficial thing, but nonetheless painful to go through. i feel a lot lighter within myself ever since. i have far less anxiety in my chest. i don't filter my self or my appearance through the glass of what i think a partner wants of me, which is not something you should do anyway, but i do have a whole disorder surrounding my inability to form healthy relationships. i finally feel free of the incessant burning void of emptiness that drives me to obsess over romantic relationships, because i finally found that the void was created only by the fact that i obsessed so much over the idea of being loved, and kept choosing the wrong people who still did not actually, ever, love me.
i feel like 2025 has been a very long year. a lot has occurred. i think i have changed a lot since the beginning of the year, but i also feel like i have returned to the person i might have been a long time ago, before a chain of bad decisions through the last decade. it's a very weird feeling, to try and rediscover yourself year after year after year, at my big old age of 32.
all that to say.... not much at all, really, lol. i just be waffling. see yas in the new year!!
30-12-2025