this is probably a negative one. mostly just venting.

i'm deeply deeply over uni at the moment. i've an assignment due tuesday and the next three days free to do it, but this one is worth 40% the total grade and non-negotiable on turning this one in, so i really can't skip it. that said...

obviously this last 12 months has been insanely hectic. last year i struggled with probably my actual personal worst nightmare to occur, which started in april; for months it threw me into a deep depression and it's something i still can't talk about or be in depth about it, for some reason.

i started burning out around august or september, and work was very difficult... since december i've had 4 different managers in the last 5 months and i'm tired of dealing with the constant changes and constant ignorance of team morale. at a point, i almost quit, but the job market is even more difficult, so... still here, just have had to box it up in my head and go "it is what it is" about the bullshit. and xmas period is always busy, which is where i fell behind on study.

so after i fell behind, 2025 rly wanted to ramp everything up, and i think in the space of a month, my sister got in a crash, we got accepted on our house offer, bought a house... trying to keep up but i'm also getting extra hours at work because, again, understaffed... i've begged uni support teams for help, begged tutors for help, and it's fell on empty ears because the track record thus far of my assignments is really good, so they see no problem, despite being so behind on study.

and of course, i've got zero understanding of this final assignment because i've had no help to catch up with my studies, despite begging for it... on top of having renovated 3 rooms of the house + moved in the past month and a half, so no time to prepare.

basically i'm upset that i've asked for the help and been told "oh youre doing great you just have to believe in yourself! :)" ... as if each assignment doesn't give me breakdowns, 3 hour crying sessions and i debate relapsing and dropping out of the whole course. this surely can't be normal stress!!

so i'm debating to take a study break for a year after i finish this year up. i've jumped into study with the unfortunate timing of my mum dying like a month before i began my first year, so it's just constantly been struggling to find the routine of self-study in my life since that point.

now i need to settle into a healthy routine of work and life in my new house, because i'm getting old and i need to look after my physical health lmfao.... i haven't relaxed in a long time :(